the dance
life these past couple of months has been exhausting. lots of things going on...all of which i have tried to handle in stride...sometimes i feel that i fall short from doing that. but i try to learn from each opportunity. the after effects of divorce still haunt me every once in a while...i realize it'll take more TIME than what i bargained for. we go forward...not WE as in me in the 3erd person but as WE & as in ME & my God who strengthens me!
last night as my dad & i had ate fruit, we talked. this is not a common occurrence as my dad is a man of few words...i think its a male trait. i mentioned to him that i was somewhat confused with this new concept in couples/marriages of "i need time". of course i was talking about what happened in my marriage & subsequent divorce. my dad & i have not been able to share much about this...he has been deeply hurt & disappointed with this process. as we talked, he shared some personal life experiences. so i shared with him my confusion on how people seem to think that it is "ok" to make a decision & then peddle backwards & want to take back the decision you made. i guess for me the concept of "the grass isnt always greener on the other side" holds true so i try to abide by it.
my dad is a "tough cookie" on the outside but on the inside he is a "big mushy teddy bear"...another male trait (i think). but when he speaks, he rarely seeks eloquence. he is cut throat & to the point...no "short & sweet" about it...i think ive inherited that trait from him. so as we talked about this topic & he reminisced about decisions he has made, which were not easy at the time. so he says to me: "when you make a decision, you go forward with it". things are not always easy nor are they fun BUT you make the decision nonetheless & you stick to them.
what followed was an "AHA" moment. he said to me "the only thing you move forward & then backwards for is to DANCE". and there it was...simple as that! i of course just stared at him in amazement.
last week was quite an intense week for my family & I, as many have come to know. with prayers, support, love & God...we are doing well & moving forward. among the many things i learned, one rang true for me...UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
as i watched my mom in one of the most vulnerable & fragile stages of her life, i have ever seen...i saw my dad rise to the occasion. he in fact is/was her prince charming. he never left her side & tended to her hand & foot. he touched her with such grace, spoke to her with such kindness that again i had an "AHA" moment. in her in & out of sleep he would call her "mi reina" as he spoke to her. in his eyes, she was beautiful, & he didnt know what else to do for her to ease her pain & discomfort.
the other testament of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE came when in the midst of her own in & out...i heard her express concern for him. my dad would be spending the night at the hospital with her...he NEVER leaves her side...they actually NEVER leave each other's side (no joke). there was a small chair & sleeper sofa...he decided he'd sleep on the chair (dont ask). in hearing that...she awoke from her sleep & said to him "you cant sleep there you will be uncomfortable, use the sleeper sofa". and as quickly as she "came in", she knocked out again.
i was amazed...yet another "AHA" moment. THAT is what i want. i want a love that knows NO barriers. a love that is truly unconditional beyond external beauty. a love that will stand the test of time , the challenges, the difficulties, the pressures(i know i didnt have that). i want a LOVE that only knows backwards when we are dancing & that no matter what else will go forward.
the weeks ahead are challenging but we wait PATIENTLY & HUMBLY, knowing that we are in HIS hands! in the meantime though we love each other UNCONDITIONALLY. we are BLESSED! i am grateful that i have been able to grow up in a home where i witness UNCONDITIONAL LOVE daily. I thank my parents for the lessons they have taught & continue to teach me.
1 corinthians 13: 4-8: Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous. Love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
last night as my dad & i had ate fruit, we talked. this is not a common occurrence as my dad is a man of few words...i think its a male trait. i mentioned to him that i was somewhat confused with this new concept in couples/marriages of "i need time". of course i was talking about what happened in my marriage & subsequent divorce. my dad & i have not been able to share much about this...he has been deeply hurt & disappointed with this process. as we talked, he shared some personal life experiences. so i shared with him my confusion on how people seem to think that it is "ok" to make a decision & then peddle backwards & want to take back the decision you made. i guess for me the concept of "the grass isnt always greener on the other side" holds true so i try to abide by it.
my dad is a "tough cookie" on the outside but on the inside he is a "big mushy teddy bear"...another male trait (i think). but when he speaks, he rarely seeks eloquence. he is cut throat & to the point...no "short & sweet" about it...i think ive inherited that trait from him. so as we talked about this topic & he reminisced about decisions he has made, which were not easy at the time. so he says to me: "when you make a decision, you go forward with it". things are not always easy nor are they fun BUT you make the decision nonetheless & you stick to them.
what followed was an "AHA" moment. he said to me "the only thing you move forward & then backwards for is to DANCE". and there it was...simple as that! i of course just stared at him in amazement.
last week was quite an intense week for my family & I, as many have come to know. with prayers, support, love & God...we are doing well & moving forward. among the many things i learned, one rang true for me...UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
as i watched my mom in one of the most vulnerable & fragile stages of her life, i have ever seen...i saw my dad rise to the occasion. he in fact is/was her prince charming. he never left her side & tended to her hand & foot. he touched her with such grace, spoke to her with such kindness that again i had an "AHA" moment. in her in & out of sleep he would call her "mi reina" as he spoke to her. in his eyes, she was beautiful, & he didnt know what else to do for her to ease her pain & discomfort.
the other testament of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE came when in the midst of her own in & out...i heard her express concern for him. my dad would be spending the night at the hospital with her...he NEVER leaves her side...they actually NEVER leave each other's side (no joke). there was a small chair & sleeper sofa...he decided he'd sleep on the chair (dont ask). in hearing that...she awoke from her sleep & said to him "you cant sleep there you will be uncomfortable, use the sleeper sofa". and as quickly as she "came in", she knocked out again.
i was amazed...yet another "AHA" moment. THAT is what i want. i want a love that knows NO barriers. a love that is truly unconditional beyond external beauty. a love that will stand the test of time , the challenges, the difficulties, the pressures(i know i didnt have that). i want a LOVE that only knows backwards when we are dancing & that no matter what else will go forward.
the weeks ahead are challenging but we wait PATIENTLY & HUMBLY, knowing that we are in HIS hands! in the meantime though we love each other UNCONDITIONALLY. we are BLESSED! i am grateful that i have been able to grow up in a home where i witness UNCONDITIONAL LOVE daily. I thank my parents for the lessons they have taught & continue to teach me.
1 corinthians 13: 4-8: Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous. Love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
loved reading this. your family is in my prayers. miss you all so much!
ReplyDeletehugs to you especially!