symantics
last night I inadvertantly watched an old interview with Kate...yes Kate from Jon & Kate plus 8. i think i saw it when it originally aired but last night as i channel surfed, it caught my eye & I left it on for a little while. as i listened to her respond to some of the questions/comments the reporter shot her way, i cried! i related to her pain. ironically, i remember watching her family crumble on National TV & i would cry in my bed as my husband (at the time) laid beside me b/c I knew we were headed that way. the distance & void that existed between us was to obvious for me NOT to feel. as i saw my marriage slip from my hands, i realized that i was surrounded by divorce & that pained me b/c it was almost like God was telling me "brace yourself". i didnt & when it came my way...it was like a cold bucket of ice water had fallen over me.
some of the responses that Kate gave were all too familiar for me & in fact they were some of the very things that i struggled with throughout this process. here are some of the things that brought tears to my eyes. when the reporter asked her "what happened, why did your marriage end?"...she responded with a genuine look of surprise "i don't know what happened, it happened so quickly". that has been one of the most difficult questions for me to answer as well. usually i say things which i "think" mightve been the "root of all evil" but the reality is that till this day, i also do not know what happened. it is a painful question.
one of the other comments that came her way is one that shook me for a VERY long time. the reporter innocently said: "most marriages go through ups & downs BUT most marriages FIGHT BACK---you gave up". her response was "ive never quit anything in my life & hearing that is painful". i recall talking to my friend & telling her how i felt like a failure b/c my marraige ended. ive NEVER been a quitter at ANYTHING no matter how hard. i deal with things head on. but this time, i wasnt unable to avoid the FREE FALL. for a very long time i wondered if there was anything i could've done differently.
last she (Kate) said "sometimes i hope that the old Jon is calling, i miss the old Jon"! i also knew what that felt like. in this whole process i often stood dazed & confused. i wondered "who is he, what happened to the person i fell in love with" & i hoped i'd wake up from the nightmare to find that person still by my side.
TIME is healing me. ive accepted that i may never really understand what happened but ive accepted that it did. ive also realized that in fact i didnt quit...i did everything in my reach to save my marriage but i couldnt do it alone. i recall telling my very dear friend one day, i feel like a very expensive vase fell & despite my best efforts to catch it & avoid it breaking...it slipped from my hands. her response to me was "if it wouldve been real, it wouldve not broken". i now understand the validity in that statement.
TIME has allowed me to understand that i never really knew who i married. i only saw glimpses of who he was. i pray TIME also HEALS him. i did in fact marry b/c i loved from the most deepest part of my being & i HOPED that it would all work out despite the differences. accepting that sometimes things are NOT always as they seem or even feel...painful reality check.
i share this all to bring awareness that sometimes the things we say to others are hurtful even if we dont mean it. i think that with the prevalence of DIVORCE in our society comes the lack of empathy to this topic. we seem to forget that with DIVORCE comes much hurt, sadness, & grief...much like a death...it is a death of sorts. so the next time you encounter someone going through this process...be GENTLE.
some of the responses that Kate gave were all too familiar for me & in fact they were some of the very things that i struggled with throughout this process. here are some of the things that brought tears to my eyes. when the reporter asked her "what happened, why did your marriage end?"...she responded with a genuine look of surprise "i don't know what happened, it happened so quickly". that has been one of the most difficult questions for me to answer as well. usually i say things which i "think" mightve been the "root of all evil" but the reality is that till this day, i also do not know what happened. it is a painful question.
one of the other comments that came her way is one that shook me for a VERY long time. the reporter innocently said: "most marriages go through ups & downs BUT most marriages FIGHT BACK---you gave up". her response was "ive never quit anything in my life & hearing that is painful". i recall talking to my friend & telling her how i felt like a failure b/c my marraige ended. ive NEVER been a quitter at ANYTHING no matter how hard. i deal with things head on. but this time, i wasnt unable to avoid the FREE FALL. for a very long time i wondered if there was anything i could've done differently.
last she (Kate) said "sometimes i hope that the old Jon is calling, i miss the old Jon"! i also knew what that felt like. in this whole process i often stood dazed & confused. i wondered "who is he, what happened to the person i fell in love with" & i hoped i'd wake up from the nightmare to find that person still by my side.
TIME is healing me. ive accepted that i may never really understand what happened but ive accepted that it did. ive also realized that in fact i didnt quit...i did everything in my reach to save my marriage but i couldnt do it alone. i recall telling my very dear friend one day, i feel like a very expensive vase fell & despite my best efforts to catch it & avoid it breaking...it slipped from my hands. her response to me was "if it wouldve been real, it wouldve not broken". i now understand the validity in that statement.
TIME has allowed me to understand that i never really knew who i married. i only saw glimpses of who he was. i pray TIME also HEALS him. i did in fact marry b/c i loved from the most deepest part of my being & i HOPED that it would all work out despite the differences. accepting that sometimes things are NOT always as they seem or even feel...painful reality check.
i share this all to bring awareness that sometimes the things we say to others are hurtful even if we dont mean it. i think that with the prevalence of DIVORCE in our society comes the lack of empathy to this topic. we seem to forget that with DIVORCE comes much hurt, sadness, & grief...much like a death...it is a death of sorts. so the next time you encounter someone going through this process...be GENTLE.
just noticed my previous comment didn't post =(
ReplyDeleteWe are all here with you. We love you so much, and time does heal all wounds. love, V