my proclamations

shortly after becoming engaged my mother & i sat in the kitchen talking about marriage. typical mother & daughter moment. at that point in my life i was quite bright eyed & bushy tailed. i was in LOVE! i was on my way to beginning a New Life. i was eager to head down that New Road. little did i know at that point the road i was headed for was NOT the one i envisioned.

we spoke about marriage, the dedication one needs, the work it entails. she wanted to make sure that i knew what was i was getting into. mother's intuition i guess...she knew what was coming down the pipelines. but as all good parents...she allowed for me to make my own decision...consciously.

in the back & forth conversation came my 1st proclamation: "i TRUST that NO MATTER WHAT...I will be fine. i have FAITH & i TRUST because i know God wont let me down. i pray that WE will make it through & can overcome the obstacles BUT (this next part is the kicker) if WE don't make it...i have FAITH & TRUST that i will be just fine because i know that God will be there to break my Fall..."

2nd proclamtion came on the day of my wedding...(i do have fond memories of this day...i still think it was an amazing event) during the toast i turned to our guests & i thanked them for supporting us & i said "it takes a village to raise a family". little did i know that in fact it would take a village to help save our marriage but more importantly little did i know that the same village would be who would raise me when i fell.

the outstanding people that surround me are a blessing & a miracle for which i give thanks each & every day. the outpour of LOVE i have felt, the care & concern has been amazing. i have been cared for & nurtured back to health (almost totally) just as a baby creature is shielded from predators in the wild.

today marks a date that i have feared since july. today would've been our 2 year anniversary...a milestone. i anticipated that today i would be locked away at home crying my eyes out...& yes i cried, i've remembered, i've wondered about him, i've daydremed of what it "could've been like BUT i know this is a RENEWAL! the sadness i anticipated i would feel is NOT there & for that i am blessed.

today i thought it fitting to dedicate my post to all the people who have graciously been my keepers, my pillars, my oxygen tanks, my cheerleaders, my prayer partners, my huggers, cuddlers, my company but most of all my brothers & sisters who have shielded me & allowed me to BREATH...again! I LOVE YOU ALL & words will never be able to express the gratitude, joy & pride i feel for having you in my life.

and it goes w/o saying that in hindsight everything is 20/20...the New Road, New Life & LOVE was NOT about my husband (at the time)...it was all about my New Road, New Life & LOVE...with Jesus! it has taken everything in me to keep marching forward. despite the struggles, the doubt, the shame, the sadness, the despair, the anger, the fear...ive NEVER lost my FAITH, TRUST nor my LOVE for Him! if nothing else i have grown closer to Him...hearing Him in the most softest of voices. indeed He did NOT let me down & He gave me an army of angels to carry me & He has been the footprints in the sand.

i made many proclamations & those who suffered the day by day with me know of the proclamations...i am proud that i stuck by each one. more importantly as much as humanly possible i tried to keep the promises i made to Him.

know He is with you & that the scars you recieve in "battle" are recompense for the day in which you are reunified with Him. the scars you bare are a living testament of your Faith...the Faith you will bestowe on others when you teach them of His love!