Fear takes Courage
for some time I have been wanting to write a blog post about Fear since it is the emotion that has most recently been at the top of my list...for many different reasons...but i have struggled in finding a way how to write about it. this blog was created as a way for me to share my ideas, thoughts, and feelings as i went through my tumultuous journey of divorce. at this point i can say, pretty confidently and HAPPILY, that i am over and through the hurdle of my Divorce. i accept and understand that it will forever be a part of me BUT it's not what defines me.
so now going forward, i encounter other struggles mixed some of the same ole emotions. it is quite scary to go forward. even though my marriage was very brief, i still feel that, in some respects, i have gone back to square one. dating, is clearly the one bridge i knew i would have to cross if i was ever to reach my goal of being married. this is of course, a LONG term goal, and a goal that i pray matches His [the Lord] goal. i have to say that despite my Fears, I do pray that He does grant me the opportunity to have a family.
back to the dating thing, in thinking about it, i always felt Fearful. i had not "dated" in a long time. i wondered, "could i do this?" the thoughts that crossed my pretty lil head were a ton and NONE of them made me feel warm or fuzzy. on this journey what i have learned to do the most is trust in God. so i left it in His hands. i told Him that whenever He felt I was ready...to nudge me or maybe even push me...i do need a good shove from time to time. on the upside of the Fear was the comfort that i have learned a whole about myself and relationships. for that i am grateful.
a year or tow ago, i don't think i would've been able to cope with sitting in a room full of married couples sharing their stories...happy or not...about their marriage. in fact, there was a time that i removed myself from my circle of friends because they are all "happily married" and that just pulled on every single string in my heart. being in that environment often left me feeling out of place and wondering why my marriage hadn't succeeded.
fast forward to last night where i embarked on a new journey. i chose to participate in a ministry at my church....a Marriage ministry...where for the next 4 weeks they would discuss family situations. when the initial thought popped in my head, i tried to hurriedly push it away thinking "you are nut!" i also felt somewhat Fearful that if i did participate, the couples in the room would wonder to themselves, what lil ole me was doing there...given that i am not married. after some minor investigating i thought, "ehh why not what do i have to lose?"
so there i sat last night, in room FULL of couples. as the meeting started the awkward moment of going around the room to introduce oneself came around. for a brief moment i felt Fear. enter the thoughts of "oh my gosh, what do i say...i am not married...why am i here." and there...it was now my turn so i blurted what came naturally. i was satisfied with my introduction...after all i am there as a single, divorced women hoping to one day have the blessing of being married and having children and i want to learn as much as i can now while my brain is a sponge. this concept may be questionable on any given day.
it was such a blessing to hear the stories as the night progressed. while i sometimes feel afraid about Marriage, it is comforting to know that there is no perfect marriage yet every marriage is perfect in it's own way and it is as perfect as each couple makes it. in a weird kind of way i also felt happy that i could relate to some of the things being said. i am not happy that i am Divorced but through it, i have learned. and as i have blogged in the past, sometimes we have to Fall pretty hard to learn the lessons that we otherwise would have not learned.
i am on the Rise. i pray that when and if He calls me to marriage, i am able to respond the call with Courage. facing our Fears requires Courage BUT we also have to be faithful and believe that no matter the struggle He is with us. part of last nights meeting was included a bible verse. one of the verses that was read has been MY verse for many years.
"the verse" that has gotten me through many of the Falls in my most recent past. when i heard it, i almost came to tears because for me it was Him telling me that the choice i made to be there...in that very spot which might have been uncomfortable...was the very place He needed me to be. the verse is as follows:
Joshua 1:9 I command you: be Strong and steadfast! Do Not FEAR nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go.
and as the day has gone on, i have gotten some other reflections which have felt like confirmations/affirmations:
If you really believe that you can do something, obstacles can never make you give up. But if you believe you cannot do it, you will give up at the first sign of trouble. Dare to believe that you can achieve God's best and highest in your life. -Mary Kay
No matter how old your kids are, whether they are small and living with you or they are grown and gone, loving the complete personhood of your spouse is an absolute must to keeping your marriage thriving. It orients all of your action toward loving charity. (From: The Catholics next Door)
for those married, struggling or not, may you have the Courage to Fight for your Family and may you be Committed to the cause which you have been entrusted.
Courage is not the absence of Fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important.
so now going forward, i encounter other struggles mixed some of the same ole emotions. it is quite scary to go forward. even though my marriage was very brief, i still feel that, in some respects, i have gone back to square one. dating, is clearly the one bridge i knew i would have to cross if i was ever to reach my goal of being married. this is of course, a LONG term goal, and a goal that i pray matches His [the Lord] goal. i have to say that despite my Fears, I do pray that He does grant me the opportunity to have a family.
back to the dating thing, in thinking about it, i always felt Fearful. i had not "dated" in a long time. i wondered, "could i do this?" the thoughts that crossed my pretty lil head were a ton and NONE of them made me feel warm or fuzzy. on this journey what i have learned to do the most is trust in God. so i left it in His hands. i told Him that whenever He felt I was ready...to nudge me or maybe even push me...i do need a good shove from time to time. on the upside of the Fear was the comfort that i have learned a whole about myself and relationships. for that i am grateful.
a year or tow ago, i don't think i would've been able to cope with sitting in a room full of married couples sharing their stories...happy or not...about their marriage. in fact, there was a time that i removed myself from my circle of friends because they are all "happily married" and that just pulled on every single string in my heart. being in that environment often left me feeling out of place and wondering why my marriage hadn't succeeded.
fast forward to last night where i embarked on a new journey. i chose to participate in a ministry at my church....a Marriage ministry...where for the next 4 weeks they would discuss family situations. when the initial thought popped in my head, i tried to hurriedly push it away thinking "you are nut!" i also felt somewhat Fearful that if i did participate, the couples in the room would wonder to themselves, what lil ole me was doing there...given that i am not married. after some minor investigating i thought, "ehh why not what do i have to lose?"
so there i sat last night, in room FULL of couples. as the meeting started the awkward moment of going around the room to introduce oneself came around. for a brief moment i felt Fear. enter the thoughts of "oh my gosh, what do i say...i am not married...why am i here." and there...it was now my turn so i blurted what came naturally. i was satisfied with my introduction...after all i am there as a single, divorced women hoping to one day have the blessing of being married and having children and i want to learn as much as i can now while my brain is a sponge. this concept may be questionable on any given day.
it was such a blessing to hear the stories as the night progressed. while i sometimes feel afraid about Marriage, it is comforting to know that there is no perfect marriage yet every marriage is perfect in it's own way and it is as perfect as each couple makes it. in a weird kind of way i also felt happy that i could relate to some of the things being said. i am not happy that i am Divorced but through it, i have learned. and as i have blogged in the past, sometimes we have to Fall pretty hard to learn the lessons that we otherwise would have not learned.
i am on the Rise. i pray that when and if He calls me to marriage, i am able to respond the call with Courage. facing our Fears requires Courage BUT we also have to be faithful and believe that no matter the struggle He is with us. part of last nights meeting was included a bible verse. one of the verses that was read has been MY verse for many years.
"the verse" that has gotten me through many of the Falls in my most recent past. when i heard it, i almost came to tears because for me it was Him telling me that the choice i made to be there...in that very spot which might have been uncomfortable...was the very place He needed me to be. the verse is as follows:
Joshua 1:9 I command you: be Strong and steadfast! Do Not FEAR nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go.
and as the day has gone on, i have gotten some other reflections which have felt like confirmations/affirmations:
If you really believe that you can do something, obstacles can never make you give up. But if you believe you cannot do it, you will give up at the first sign of trouble. Dare to believe that you can achieve God's best and highest in your life. -Mary Kay
No matter how old your kids are, whether they are small and living with you or they are grown and gone, loving the complete personhood of your spouse is an absolute must to keeping your marriage thriving. It orients all of your action toward loving charity. (From: The Catholics next Door)
for those married, struggling or not, may you have the Courage to Fight for your Family and may you be Committed to the cause which you have been entrusted.
Courage is not the absence of Fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important.
well said sista =) luv ya!
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